Personal Development Answers

Previous related postings in, “Why ask Questions? - Part 1” and “Why ask Questions? - Part 2” included:

There is also the 5.08 minute AUDIO if that fits in better with your time.

• Gaining information

• Clarifying or verifying information

• Checking for understanding and level of interest

• Determining the behavioural style of the other person

• Gaining participation, and

• Giving information

Now in, “Why ask Questions – Part 3”, the following topics will be discussed:

• Starting someone thinking

• Bringing attention back to the subject, and

• Reaching an agreement

7. Starting someone thinking

Asking someone’s opinion is a great source of information, and makes the other person feel good and valued.

It shows them that you are interested in them, and in what they have to say.

For example, when negotiating the salary for a potential employee, you might ask:

“When you think about a great company to work for, what attributes come to mind?”

Remember to use other strategies such as gaining information, giving information (which is when you are responding), checking for understanding, etc.

No strategy works in isolation.

8. Bringing attention back to the subject

Some people have a tough time getting to the point even understanding what the point is which can cause frustration.

Maybe, they are intentionally avoiding a sensitive topic; this, of course, serves noone.

For example:

“Can we get back to the salary issue and benefits package once again? I’m not quite clear on what was decided.”

“Is it possible to increase the starting salary by $5,000 so I can maintain parity with my current benefits package?”

The value of this type of question is that it lets you know how far apart your goals are from your counterpart’s.

9. Reaching an agreement

Questions can serve as a test to determine your counterpart’s true aspirations or readiness to confirm agreement.

For example: suppose a seller is asking $250,000 for his house. Because it needs landscaping and a new roof, you ask whether he is willing to take $240,000.

Again, the value of this type of question is that the answer lets you know how apart your goals are from your counterpart’s, as in number eight above.

It’s best, at first, to concentrate on internalizing strategies you feel comfortable with, and then gradually and seamlessly adding further strategies to your tool-belt.

Many of the strategies overlap in purpose and practice. To ensure that the conversation flows naturally, you need to feel at home with each one.

At first, you may feel awkward, but as you keep applying them, they will become more and more natural.

Improvise role-plays within your mind and keep using such questions as:

• What if?

• What if we did this?

• What if we didn’t do this?

• If not this, then what?

• What other alternative can there be?

• How do you see the big picture?

• How would you like this to be resolved?

• What is the ideal resolution?

• Let’s see it from the other person’s point of view

Do you get the picture?

Just keep asking questions, and using the question-asking strategies.

Repetition, repetition, repetition, and increasingly perfect practice are the secret to successful negotiation, conflict management and resolution, and general conversation.

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Tags: Negotiating //