Being a good negotiator means that you have a toolbox of many rather complex skills, which you have practised many a time beforehand, and which now are second nature to you.
Of importance is how you use the simple pronouns of ‘I’ and ‘you’.
Aggressive and manipulative people tend to use ‘I’ a lot, and use it in a vain and egotistical manner.
For example: I want, I need, I must get - these indicate a selfish disposition
Assertive people use ‘I’ in a matter-of-fact way.
For example: I feel, I think, I would prefer - these invite the other person to better understand your more emotional reactions.
Always be careful when you use the pronoun ‘you’.
It can sound like you are accusing someone. Accusation can have its place, but it can also alienate and provoke hostility.
Most other languages have the in personal pronoun ‘one’ which replaces ‘you’ and it neutralises the sentence. However, the English language makes very little use on this very useful little word.
Apart from being careful not to use emotive or provocative language when you negotiate with your counterpart, there are also other personal considerations to keep in mind.
1. Speak in your normal voice. Keep the volume, the pitch, and the speed controlled, fluid, and natural, almost easy-going
2. Ensure that you keep your voice normal, consciously slow down your breathing, and consciously slow down your speaking
3. Keeping the above in mind, will mean that you psychologically stay calm, and that you will have an authoritative air about you
4. Look confident and competent. There will be no doubt that you have prepared for this negotiation so show it by your external disposition
5. Initially, body language or nonverbal communication is far more important than the words you say. People read your body language before they actually listen to your words
6. Your gestures, posture, eye contact and personal space send out messages, make sure you are sending out the right messages
7. Your physical stance is part of your nonverbal communication or your body language. Watch that your shoulders are not raised or hunched. Stand straight and erect, yet relaxed
8. Also make sure that your nonverbal communication and your verbal communication are congruent. That is, that your body language and the words that you say are a match and do not contradict each other
9. You should have all your body parts relaxed. This is not just important within a negotiation situation, but it is important for your general well-being in life, that is, to be relaxed yet alert
10. Perfect Visualisation of the above points on an ongoing basis means that you will have programmed your subconscious mind, so that it congruently works with your conscious mind whenever you need it
The secret to any successful negotiation is perfect practice, practice, practice.
Remember that the precursor of any success is dedicated and committed preparation.
Anything worthwhile is worth doing properly.
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Tags: Negotiating by Gloria Hamilten
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