The Four Assertive Styles Detailed – Part 1
In the previous article, Assertive Styles - Pros and Cons the positives and negatives of each style was listed.
This posting will go into more detail about the characteristics of aggressively controlling and passively observing individuals.
The Four Assertive Styles Detailed – Part 2 will detail warmly proposing, and the preferred one, firmly asserting.
Please check mout the 4.03 minute AUDIO if you prefer.
So, to the first one:
Aggressively Controlling
People displaying aggressively controlling behaviour are likely to want to be in control in most of their encounters or conversations with others.
To do this they may consciously or inadvertently trample on the rights of others.
This style is very direct and commanding of attention, and will fail to listen to others.
People exemplifying this style will interrupt others when they speak.
Aggressively controlling people will also make high use both of very strong body language, or non-verbal communication, and speak in a loud and confident voice to ensure they get the control they want.
Examples of body language include:
• Invading other people’s space
• Louder voice than others
• Arms crossed or in a flurry
• Pointing fingers
• Staring and fixed eye contact
• Seeming agitated or in a hurry, frustrated
Passively Observing
Such people like to keep to themselves, to remain quiet and unassuming, and not really take part in discussions.
This style watches what others are doing in a detached way without feeling the need to participate.
If they do participate, they tend to agree or concede to more aggressive types, but mentally are planning how they can reverse the result of this behaviour later on.
These are the sorts of people who, before a meeting are stirring others up with: “You wait till I tell them what I think!”, and when the meeting does occur, they say nothing.
When the meeting is over, and they asked, why they didn’t say something, they reply, that no one would have listened to them anyway.
You know the types – gutless stirrers.
Examples of body language include:
• Leaning back
• Holding hands clasped or arms crossed
• Eyes not looking at anyone in particular, even when they are speaking
• Watching the broad scene with fleeting looks
• Are often heard to be sighing
Neither of these two styles will have any beneficial impact on rapport building or constructive and positive communication, in short, they will be totally inept in the preferred outcome of win-win.
The next posting will give particulars of warmly proposing, and the preferred one, firmly asserting.
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