Personal Development Answers

Non-assertive styles are aggressive, passive, and manipulative.

These can be effective, but characteristics of these can include dishonesty, bad feelings, time wasting, and conflict creation.

Rarely is a person 100% of any one style. Everyone tends to be a mixture of all four styles.

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For example, you may be passive in one setting (being bullied by an aggressive), then retaliate and become aggressive to less threatening people in another setting.

Or, a passive may be passive for so long before s/he explodes.

In newspaper articles, we read that someone ‘wouldn’t hurt a fly’, or is ‘as quiet as a mouse’, yet in the article, that person has committed a violent crime.

Only the assertive style leads to honest, effective, and a problem-solving-oriented communication.

Both assertiveness and aggressiveness are often associated with self-confidence, but this is incorrect.

In order to understand the nature of assertive behaviour and communication, you also need to understand the nature of non-assertive behaviour and communication, ie aggressively controlling, passively observing and warmly proposing behaviour.

Aggressive Controlling Behaviour

People exhibiting aggressive behaviour have a high level of non-empathetic energy, and like to be in control.

PROS

• Aggressive behaviour appears commanding and confident

CONS

• On the negative side, such people are often insensitive to the rights and needs of others

• They may adopt a sarcastic or hostile attitude, and

• Will often interrupt and talk over others without listening

Passively Observing Behaviour

These people have a low level of energy and a low level of empathy.

PROS

• Positive characteristics of people exhibiting this behaviour are that they effectively analyze discussions or debates, and

• They can listen well

CONS

• Their negative aspects mean that they often ignore and sacrifice their own rights

• They often stay silent, rather than speaking out, and

• They can often feel inept

Firmly Asserting Behaviour

PROS

These people have a high little level of energy and are highly empathetic

• They take action towards getting what is wanted, without denying another person’s rights

• They are proactive and solution-oriented to always find a positive way forward

• They demonstrate that they value people’s feelings and other’s needs

• Such people are also good listeners

CONS

• A drawback of this firmly asserting behaviour is that they may not want to coach others who are less assertive

Warmly Proposing Behaviour

These people have a gentle level of empathy and low level of energy.

PROS

• This behavioural type keeps the discussions and conversations calm and friendly

• They gently offer lots of ideas and suggestions

CONS

• A negative aspect of this type is that they may not come to the point about what they want or need

• They also become upset in the face of high aggression or anger

Every style has its strengths and weaknesses, or its pros and cons, according to the situation.

Some people confuse assertive with being aggressive, but they are worlds apart.

Understanding the pros and cons of these assertion styles means that you are able to plan your behavioural and verbal strategies in advance.

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