Assertion Skills: 7-Step Feedback Sequence
We have been doing quite a lot of work on Assertion Skills for quite a few postings.
This time, we will look at a very simple Seven-Step Feedback sequence to let another person know how you feel about a particular situation.
Remembering that assertion is simply saying it how you feel.
It has nothing to do with putting blame or responsibility for a situation on the other person.
Listen to the 3.44 minute AUDIO if you prefer.
The Seven-Step Feedback sequence goes like this:
1. you describe the situation
2. you say, what happens to you
3. you say how you feel about it
4. you ask them if they would do something else about it
5. then you say why you are suggesting this
6. you ask them, if they could feel that they could accommodate this
7. and then you ask them a final question
So, how does this go in reality, in an actual dialogue?
1. When someone speaks in what I think is a loud voice to me
2. I get uneasy, and
3. I feel embarrassed.
4. Would you mind lowering your voice a little,
5. because that way
6. I would feel more comfortable?
7. So, what do you think?
Does that make sense?
Here is another example:
1. When someone talks about someone behind their back
2. I get uncomfortable, and
3. I feel as though I am betraying them.
4. Would you mind if we don’t speak about her behind her back,
5. because we could be up-front and say it to her,
6. and I would feel better about it?
7. So, how does that sound to you?
Now, you can make up your own scenes about conversations that you could have with others at home or at work.
It is all about taking the responsibility of the conversation and taking away any form of blame or responsibility about how you feel from the other person.
When people have not accepted personal responsibility for how they take a situation, they run the risk of becoming
• overly dependent upon others for approvable and recognition
• angry or upset about not being treated fairly
• afraid of taking risks
• fearful of making mistakes, and
• generally being emotionally insecure
Being assertive is about knowing who you are and not compromising this for anyone or for any situation.
[…] I hope that you have really internalized the 7-Step Feedback Sequence of the previous article and will link these with the 9 Verbal […]